Tip #1: ASK FOR HELP!! Enlist the help of your friends & relatives or hire an Event Cancellation Consultant (www.eventcancellation.org).
Tip #2: Prepare yourself for the questions that you may not be expecting, but will surely come your way. Such as, “Did you give the ring back”, “What did you do with your dress?”, “What happened!!!???”, “How much money did you lose?” These questions can be quite hurtful, so my advice is to acknowledge that not everyone will say the right thing and prepare a few generic responses. Something like, “That hasn’t been decided yet”, “That is really a private matter”, or “I am just not ready to talk about this yet”.
Tip #3: Also prepare yourself for the unsolicited advice you will likely receive. It is not surprising to hear sentiments like, “You are so much better off”, “You did the right thing”, “It never would have worked out”, and “You will be so much happier now”. And regardless of if you called off your wedding 6 months ago or 6 days ago, someone will likely offer you dating advice, try to set you up with a “great guy”, or at the very least make you uncomfortable by asking, “Have you started dating yet?” Again, my advice is to think about how you might want to address questions and comments like these and have a few responses ready in your back pocket. If it is a good friend or close family member that brings this up, you may feel comfortable discussing why this might be inappropriate. However, these comments/questions tend to come from someone you are not very close with.
Tip #4: Get in touch with your venue As Soon As Possible!! Venues usually have very time sensitive cancellation policies & the sooner you cancel the more money you may be able to salvage.
Tip #5: Advertise your wedding date & venue on wedding sites such as The Knot (they have community boards/blogs/chat rooms) or other sites such as Craigslist. Often times your venue will give you a full refund if they are able to book another event on that date. You never know, a bride out there may be looking to book a venue at the last minute.
Tip #6: Send out cancellation notices to your guests as soon as possible. They will appreciate as much notice as you are able to give, especially if airline/hotel reservations are involved. *Note: I strongly advise that you enlist the help of a good friend or hire an Event Cancellation Consultant to help you address & mail the cancellation cards. Going through the guest list & having to look at cards that say, “The wedding of ______ and _______ will not take place” can be very painful and emotionally draining experience. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.
Tip #7: Contact your bridal salon as soon as possible. If alterations have not yet been started, you may be able to get some money back or negotiate with them. If the dress is in your possession, contact resale shops such as White Chicago. They are a wonderful company that specializes in selling never-worn or once-worn wedding gowns. I highly recommend using a well-known company like this because they do all of the work for you. You could also try advertising to sell your dress on Ebay. You might be able to get more of your money back than you would going through a resale company. However, be prepared as this could be a bit challenging emotionally. With sites such as Ebay, you have to take photos of the gown, describe the details of the gown and deal with potential buyers. During this emotional time, it may be difficult to photograph the gown and potential buyers can be quite relentless with their questions & comments (i.e. “Why are you selling this gown?”).
Tip #8: Understand that most of your family & friends will not know what to say or how to help you in this situation. TELL THEM! Let them know what needs to be done and let them help you!
Tip #9: Ask your Maid of Honor/Bridesmaids/family/friends to help you with tasks such as; returning wedding gifts, handling your gown, returning wedding favors & fielding correspondence (you don’t want people to think you have fallen off the earth, but you also might not be up for answering all calls & emails right now). If you don’t feel comfortable asking this of friends & family, consider hiring an Event Cancellation Consultant to handle these details for you.
Tip #10: Know that you are not alone. Cancelled weddings are simply not talked about as frequently as bad break-ups or divorce. But it does happen! About 10-15% of weddings are called off annually. Ask others for help & utilize resources. Cancelling a wedding can be a very difficult & emotional experience…but you WILL get through this!
For additional information, consultation or to schedule an appointment contact:
Lindsey L. Riggin, MSW, LCSW at (312) 527-5688.
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